Joyful Mind - Joyful Mind blog

Stuff-up beat-up

1/10/2020

self-kindness, self-compassion

pic by Eric Ward, Unsplash

THE BENEFITS OF SELF-KINDNESS

What is your stuff-up self-response style?

How do you treat yourself when you get it wrong. You forget to put out the garbage/ yell at the kids/ get the meeting time wrong/ fail on zoom connection/ miss a great opportunity/ can’t find the words …. Etc. etc.?

Us humans tend to go hard on ourselves when we stuff up.

Here’s why.

The hard-wired negativity bias of the human brain amps us into catastrophising and over-reacting when things go wrong.

It’s not our fault. It’s an evolutionary function of the brain.

The catastrophising and over-reacting engages the ‘red zone’, or threat-alert aspect of the nervous system. We get stuck in thrashing ourselves and feeling bad.

No fun.

Wait, there is another way.

What if we were to treat ourselves kindly, like we would a close friend, when we stuff up?

It may not come naturally (it’s not hard-wired) though we can train ourselves to take this different approach.

Self-kindness engages the ‘green zone’, the calm and restful aspect of the nervous system. It’s the opposite to ‘red zone’ threat-land. The two systems do not overlap. They interchange. When one side is online, the other is offline.

We can switch off red by going green. Exchange self-criticism for self-kindness.

When we give ourself self-compassion, it releases feel-good neurochemicals such as oxytocin and opiates. Conversely, beating ourself up triggers stress chemicals like cortisol.

Under the influence of stress chemicals we feel overwhelmed and helpless.

The feel-good natural opiates, by contrast, give us strength and resilience.

Self-kindness, then, is a dynamic coping mechanism. It’s a high-powered way of staying sane. It might sound really obvious, but think about it: do we do it naturally?

This video gives a quick 3 minute wrap on the Why and How:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tyl6YXp1Y6M#action=share
Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion Part 1

What's your typical stuff-up style?
What sort of things do you commonly beat yourself up about? Care to share? (No pressure!)

Open post in browser to enable comments

copyright Shakti Burke 2020

MOVE HOUSE, STAY IN BODY

14/6/2020

MOVING HOUSE

They say moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do- and perhaps they are right.

We were set to put our place on the market in coming months … then, just recently, someone wandered past our place (in the middle of nowhere) and offered to buy it. Fantastic, it has saved us the putting-on-market scenario … on the flip side we find ourselves in a mad scramble with the onward move.

MOVE BETTER

10/5/2020

Yoga online, yoga online with Shakti, Shakti Burke, easy yoga, yoga for over-55s

photo: Natalie Grainger

The purpose of yoga is stretch, open and expand our physical boundaries.

Boundaries that contract over the years.

The tight spine, the creaky knees, achy elbows …. looking over the shoulder to reverse the car is an effort. Forget any wild idea of touching the toes or heading south any further than to peer over your glasses.

Oh, that text neck. Ouch. Youch. No.

Surely there’s a better way.

But yoga? Are you kidding me? Turning myself into a pretzel (hello,
I might look like a peanut, but …) it’s out of the question.

And seeing you asked, I don’t need to stand on my head. Life stands itself on its head anyway. Far too much.

Hang on … hold it right there.
No, not the yoga pose ... your disbelief.

Yoga can actually stretch, open and expand your physical boundaries without a whole lot of effort. Without fancy poses or uncomfortable contortions.

A FABULOUS ANXIETY RESOURCE

16/2/2020

Anxiety, anxiety relief, gemma correll, soothing breath, anti-anxiety techniques

image by Gemma Correll

If you or anyone you know is suffering from intense anxiety, this short audio from Insight Timer will help.

It’s by Jim Malloy, a longterm American meditation teacher (since 1973) with a soothing voice and caring manner.

ANXIETY BREEDS ANXIETY

Experiencing anxiety is not our fault. It’s not a shortcoming. We’re designed to flip into anxiety when feeling under threat.

The scarier the threat, the greater the anxiety.
Even being anxious about getting anxiety can bring on more anxiety.

Mindful Breathing Benefits

5/9/2019

Have you heard the one about the guy who tries to wake up his son for school?

"Billy," says the dad, "wake up!"
Billy groans "I don't want to get up."
Dad shouts, "Get up, you have to go to school."
Billy moans "I don't want to go to school."
"Why not?" asks dad.
"Three reasons," says Billy.

"First, because it's so dull; second, the kids tease me; and third, I hate school."

Billy’s father answers: "Well, I am going to give you three reasons why you must go to school.

First, because it is your duty; second, because you are forty-five years old, and third, because you are the headmaster."

We all know the feeling. I don’t wanna but I gotta. In the short-term, we can use mindful breathing to ease our unease. (In the longterm, let’s try to change the hated situation!)

My "Rest is Best" picture book!

7/4/2019

Get inspired to live the good life through the power of rest!

Overwork can leave little room for tasting the joy of life. Wouldn't it be great to find a magic bullet for striking the balance between effort, exhaustion and living the life you want?

The author/illustrator's effervescent verse and images tease you through the colourful pages, in a picture book for adults teeming with joy, warmth and humour.

The perfect gift for the workaholic in your life!

STOP BEFORE YOU DROP

21/3/2019

“People look for retreats for themselves,
in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . .
There is nowhere that a person can find a more
peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . .
So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.”

TO BE (SHOCKED) OR NOT TO BE …

11/10/2018

WHAT WOULD YOU RATHER ...

Meditate? Who, me?

Perish the thought.

If you happen to be someone who would prefer to give yourself an electric shock than be stuck in your head, take heart.

You are not alone.

BE SMART: MEDITATE

17/9/2018

WEIRDO MEDITATOR

Back in the day when I started as a meditator, meditation was still regarded as a slightly suspicious navel-gazing endeavour.

WHY MEDITATION?

16/9/2018

Meditation is a proven way to look after your mind.